There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
