Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
