Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
