I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
