He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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