this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My balls are so social today.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
