I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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