I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
