I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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