these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
