RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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