do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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