i permit you to call me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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