the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
