I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
