tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
