Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
