just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
