Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
