I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
