I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
