Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
