turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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