I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
