I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
