why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Someone came in the potted fern
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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