You're so nebulous sometimes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
