i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize