we're blogging at a bar
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
