Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
