Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
