I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
