my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
