The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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