if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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