i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
