11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sry I called you an 8
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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