Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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