i was born a porn star she said
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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