Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't deserve a penis
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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