im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
