I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize