? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I pour the whiskey from now on
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
