Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
