He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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