Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
