just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
