i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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