I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
