Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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