She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
