So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
