Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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