Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
