I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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