I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
