I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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