I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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