drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
