she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
