This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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