screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
