I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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