I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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