sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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